Awareness shall not set you free
Perhaps one of the most frustrating moments of the psychotherapeutic journey is coming to the realization that awareness, despite all it’s toted glory, shall not set you free.
While awareness serves a fundamental purpose in psychotherapy, it is far from the end of the road. Many times, it is simply the start of the path.
Many clients come into psychotherapy with a primary goal of understanding why they engage the world in the way that they do. Why do I keep drinking despite the clear negative repercussions? Where does my anxiety come from and how can I manage it more effectively? How do I break a cycle of depression that leaves me feeling isolated and alone? All of these are important questions that are worthy of examination and cultivation of self-awareness.
However, what happens when we build the awareness and insight to answer these questions? What happens when we see the processes at work and even understand what changes will likely make the shift in behavior we desire? Often times, the pattern remains unchanged. Furthermore, we are now burdened with the pain of awareness as we continue to choose the same road. Awareness may have opened the doors to change, but it did not solve the root. There is now work to be done.
Below are a set of skills to cultivate as you engage the healing journey from a place of heightened awareness.
Willingness - Be willing to suspend the short-term ease of an old pattern to attempt something new. You must be brave and experimental in your healing. Be willing to take a risk and push yourself into new territory that feels scary or uncertain.
Discipline - Hold yourself accountable to doing that which you know will break momentum of your old pattern. Find internal and external motivation to hold you to your goals. If you don’t trust yourself to keep moving in the direction you wish to go, bring in reinforcements.
Practice - Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to practice new ways of being. This may feel awkward and people around you may be surprised or even offended by you shifting your behaviors. Keep practicing. Find new role models and allow yourself to be a student.
Failure - Be OK with struggling, making mistakes, and failing. The process of healing and growth comes with ups and downs. If you are not ready for the downs, you will likely choose old patterns as a way to avoid the emotional pains of failure. Learn to ride the waves. Bring people close who will coach you and love you no matter what. This may require checking your ego at the door.
Acceptance - We are all a work in progress. Accepting where you are at, the work ahead of you, and the likely challenges is an important part of the process. Wishing it were different creates tension that simply adds to the difficulty. Acceptance happens breath to breath, so make it a habit.
With the above tools included, awareness becomes a powerful ally on our path of healing. It provides a sense of clarity and direction, and also helps create a narrative to understand why we suffer the way we do. If we desire lasting change, however, we must do the work. Change requires awareness, but more importantly it requires mindful action, persistence, and dedication. Much like any other learned skill, we must start where we are and take action steps towards growth.
If you are in need of reinforcements to support changes in your life, consult a psychotherapist today and begin the path towards transformation.
